Further Bionification
Why haven’t I posted since June 26th? I don’t even have an excuse this time. How about: (1) My hand was mangled trying to dig cow pies out of a corn picker. (2) I was released only yesterday from a, shall we say, “reprogramming facility,” after being found in a cart in the HYVEE parking lot eating a Braunsweiger-covered banana … naked. (3) After seeing how successfully I cover my bald spots with a variety of spectacular hairstyles, Michelle Obama asked me to travel with her and act as her stylist. (Yes, the shorts were my idea.) Please choose one of these excuses, but also know that I shall try to be a more prolific poster from this day forward.
I have taken another giant leap forward in my quest to be a truly “bionic woman.” Yesterday I has my second glaucoma surgery. My eyeball was zapped several times with a laser and then a small stainless steel drain was implanted. I guess my original drain became clogged - probably from looking at inappropriate images in PLAY GIRL magazine. The doctor has assured me that I’m good to go. He did caution that I need special sheilds during MRIs. If left unsheilded, the powerful magnet in the machine will develop a fatal attraction to my new drains, and suck my eyeball right out of my face. I guess then my orbs will bounce around inside the machine (picture a ping pong game) and smear eye goo all over everything. No instructions on how to unplug my drains if they become clogged. Will Draino work? Would Liquid Plumber be better? Will the Roto Rooter guy work on eyeballs? I guess I’ll cross that bridge later.
No extra charge for the wrinkles.
amazingzipperedwoman says:
Testing Testing