Mahatma Roscoe
Gather round, my friends. I shall help you to seek the truth and the light.
Listen carefully and I will provide you with the benefits of my wisdom.
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. 42.7 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.
3. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
4. Remember - half the people you know are below average.
5. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
6. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
7. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese in the trap.
8. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
9. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a poor memory.
10. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
11. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
12. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
14. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
16. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
17. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
18. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,
“What the heck happened?”
19. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
20. Most of the world’s best grandmas are named Shanlee.
Roscoe wishes to say thanks to his mentor - Larry, the cable guy.
