And Now - Tonight’s Special Guest
Good evening. This is Goat Glitzer in the CNN newsroom. I have the AZW on the line speaking to us from Scumbucket, Arizona - near the home of John McPain, the Republican Party’s Airbag Apparent.
GG: Hello…Hello… AZW, can you hear me?
AZW: Go ahead, Goat. You’re coming in loud and clear.
GG: Long time no BLOG, AZW.
AZW: I know. I know. My apologies to those readers who hang on my every word, but I’ve been on the road for months.
GG: Can you be a little bit more specific?
AZW: I don’t want to say too much, but I guess I can give you a tiny hint. I was hired by the Clinton campaign to dig up dirt on John McPain. Apparently, Hillary is THAT sure she will be the Democratic nominee. During my travels I’ve discovered some very very interesting tidbits.
GG: Oh, Wow! Can you give us some examples? Remember America - you heard it here first.
AZW: Okay, calm down, Goat. I’ll share a snippet or two. The American public needs to know that this guy who claims to be a squeaky clean war hero actually served time in the slammer. I’ll bet nobody knows about the three months McPain spent in detention in the third grade. I hear he was caught stealing Hostess Cupcakes from other kids’ lunch pails while - they were stored in the cloak room. A guy who would still cupcakes is surely a guy who will sell state secrets to the Russians. I was appalled.
GG: Oh, come on AZW. Tell us more.
AZW: McPain also was notorious for using real guns with real bullets when he played cowboys and Indians in the Old Hood. And he also will wear only Velcro tennis shoes, because he never learned to tie. Along the same lines. He will only wear digital watches. You can guess why. Is this the guy you want answering the red phone in the middle of the night? He doesn’t even know how to text or check messages on his cell phone.
GG: Can’t you give us something bigger.
AZW: Just one more little tidbit. I found McPain’s original birth certificate - DATED 1920. He’s one old geezer! And that wife of his. Oy! Her My Space screen name is “Ditzy Barbie.”
When these revelations hit the air waves, it could change the whole election process.
GG: We have to break for a commercial. AZW, can you join us again after break?
AZW: Sorry Goat. I got a plane to catch. I’m meeting McPain’s date for the senior prom for an in depth interview. It might interest you to know that his prom date did not walk upright. I’ll say NO MORE….
