Amazing Zippered Woman

The BIG GUY Speaks

Sunday would have been a perfect day for this post, but as usual I’m “a day late and a dollar short.” (Or should I say two days late …….)

Many people profess to know exactly what GOD wants to tell humanity - how he wants us to behave, treat others, treat ourselves and just generally how HE expects us to live our lives. Priests, preachers and all imparters of GOD’S word put their own spin on what each “thinks ” GOD wants to say to his children. Many times mere man goes far afield of what is actually said in sacred texts. Because GOD doesn’t readily come back and correct those who quote HIM incorrectly, men of the cloth can play fast and loose with GOD’S words. 

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve drifted off during long, convoluted homilies during Catholic masses. I think that priests believe that if they say the same thing in ten different ways, the congregation will finally understand. The few times that I have tuned into the religion channel, I have found that this tendency to belabor religious tenents seems to be universal … all religions share this long-windedness.

Sunday’s newspaper contained an article describing a different approach for sharing GOD’S truths. I found it both refreshing and surely better than the bombastic harangues found in most churches. GODSPEAKS billboards have come to Phoenix. These short and sweet messages portray the ALMIGHTY as a GOD of few words. The simple statements are shown against a totally black background, and GOD is given written credit for each. The whole campaign has been financed by an anonymous believer who lives in Georgia. The whole point of the billboards is to provide tiny bits of theology and food for thought. These restatements of theology are filled with wit, irony and double meanings.

“I love you …Te amo.”

“As my apprentice, you’re never fired.”

“The real Supreme Court meets up here.”

“Need a marriage counselor? I’m available.”

“If you must curse, use your own name.”

“All I know … is everything.”

“Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.”

“Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer.”

“My way is the highway.”

“We need to talk.”

“Let’s meet at MY house Sunday, before the game.”

“You think it’s hot here?”

I think these billboards are a terrific way to remind all of us of  GOD’S expectations. If you happen to pass one during your travels, pause, open your heart, and think about what the message really means. 

Calling for a Boycott (Or Dogcott)

Yesterday CNN was reporting that an animal advocacy group has made a gruesome discovery. According to reports, that fancy fur trim on your designer-labeled coat just might have originally belonged to man’s best friend. Many high-end retailers rushed to remove the questionable coats from their shelves.

The Humane Society contends that it purchased designer apparel (Andrew Marc and Tommy Hilfiger) from upscale stores like Nordstroms. Testing revealed that these items were indeed trimmed with fur from domestic dogs, rather than fake fur as was advertised. The H.S. feels that this deception extends throughout the entire industry. An astounding 24 out of 25 coats tested contained fur from dogs. Other samples, although specified to be “fake fur,” were actually made from raccoon dogs (a canine species native to Asia) and also coyotes and wolves.

Tommy Hilfiger is said to be “looking into the matter.” Nordstrom is giving customers the opportunity to return dog-trimmed purchases. Importing domestic dog and cat fur was outlawed in 2000. Come on folks …… let’s express our outrage by not spending  dollars to support either  Nordstroms or Tommy Hilfiger - or any other brand or retailer later implicated.  

Over the River and Through the Desert, To Grandmother’s House We Go

Last Friday afternoon the Big Irishman and I loaded Mary Lou, Esther, and  various accouterments (love that word) into the van and set off for Long Beach, California for a visit with Tom’s mom, Virginia. His Christmas present to her was a “Fix It Weekend.” The trip was uneventful, except for the fact that Esther threw up all over her blanket before we even passed through the gate of our neighborhood. Consequently, she refused to have anything to do with said blanket and insisted upon riding in my lap for the entire trip. Keep in mind that my little doggie daughter weighs 65 pounds and IS NOT CONSIDERED A LAP DOG. At last count I had 9, 651 bruises between my knees and hips. Mary Lou traveled very well. She sat quietly in the back either making potholders or reading. We ran into some terrible traffic going through Riverside, and were very happy to finally arrive.

The next morning we had an organizational meeting with Mom and perused her “Fix It List.” I think she planned a visiting weekend rather than a working weekend because her list was very short.

The first order of business was a trip to Home Depot for supplies. It took us several minutes to select a new doorbell. We couldn’t decide between wired or wireless. Tom really wanted one that could be programed to play the Notre Dame fight song, but I talked him out of it.

We also had to go up and down every isle looking for possible components to correct  a major problem with Mom’s fire place. It is gas, but must be turned on by turning a little knob that is located deep within the fireplace. We all worried that Mom might topple head-first into the fiery abyss should she attempt to turn it on herself. We all also agreed that she would really enjoy a fire on cold winter evenings. A professional little black knob turner had provided a quote of over $1,000.00 to install something she could manage. When Tom heard the dollar amount his face turned red and those veins in his neck began to protrude and throb dangerously. He was determined to invent something else. And he was very successful. He fabricated “a turning-on system” that would make any engineer proud - all for $11.73. We had to make a second trip to Home Depot on Monday because slight modifications to his invention became necessary. You see - the entire apparatus melted. But now design changes have been made, and Mom is enjoying her fires every evening.

Did I tell you that the new wireless doorbell plays eight notes and would remind one of church bells?

Sunday night we prepared a family dinner of elk spaghetti to celebrate some terrific news. Kristy (our beloved God Daughter) and her wonderful Chris became engaged.

I can’t even begin to tell you how thrilled we are about this wonderful addition to our family. Chris is a great guy and they are a perfect compliment for one another.

We also had the pleasure of meeting niece Charlotte’s beau for the first time. His name is A.J. and he is also a wonderful addition to the fam. He’s very good looking and has a super personality. However, I do think during future visits, he must spend some time on the AZW’s lap getting his politics straightened out. Ha.

I think our “Fix It Weekend” was a huge success on several levels. Mom - start making a list for the next time. 

A Day to Celebrate Hearts

Today is the day that people everywhere celebrate love.  For some reason hearts have become a symbol of love. As you can well imagine, hearts are very important in my life. So today I want to share with you some thoughts about two of the hearts in my life.

First there is Tom. He is a huge part of my heart and the best part of my life. He helps me to be the person  that I strive to be. He’s my best friend. There is no doubt in my mind that his strength and love are the biggest reasons I am still alive.  I love you, Tom.

And then there is Perpetua. I have spent hours today thanking and praying for the family of my donor. I have recently been told that Perpetua  first belonged to a 29 year old Latino woman. I have many questions about her that will probably never be answered, but I have a spiritual intuition that she was a very kind and gentle person. She is my very own Angel. Gracias, mi Angel.

Cut and Run

My Republican friends keep falsely accusing the Democrats of having a “cut and run” mentality. In my humble opinion, Senate Republicans are truly guilty of this mindset - as evidenced by the variety of shameless dirty tricks they are pulling in the Senate to avoid a real debate on the Iraq War. This amounts to political cowardice. These elected officials are using procedural mumbo jumbo and stupid amendments to prevent an up or down vote. This vote is the only way Americans will know for sure where each Senator stands on Bushie’s plan to escalate the war.

Almost all Americans feel that intense debate is necessary to determine what direction this war will go. Republicans did us all a huge injustice to tie the hands of  Congress and block legitimate discussion. Senate Republicans are obstructing the change that America demanded in the last election. What are they afraid of? Will they go to whatever lengths necessary to protect our inept president? These Republican obstructers are putting party loyalty above national concerns.

These Republicans JUST DON’T GET IT. They HAVEN’T GOTTEN THE MESSAGE. Rest assured - the Democrats aren’t going to back down.  

Casual Chit Chat

I’ve been trying for hours to get on the blog.com site. I don’t know what the problem was, but finally I made it. Anyway, lots to tell you about.

Many people have inquired about Anessia. It has been very touch and go for several days. Finally, on Saturday, things began to improve. She was removed from the respirator yesterday. I don’t think she’s totally out of the woods yet, but the situation is certainly improving. This has been one of the most frustrating weeks of my life. I really wanted to be in Tucson to support Roberta and Mario, Anessia’s parents. But Dr. Copeland was very adamant that I stay away. I know that he’s absolutely right to keep me away, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve had almost constant phone communication with Roberta and Mario, so that has helped. Please continue prayers and healing thoughts for this family.

Barack Obama officially announced his candidacy for president this weekend. This presents a real problem for me. I’m going to have a tough time deciding between Obama and Clinton. They are both brilliant, politically savvy and possess true leadership ability. It will be interesting to see how this election plays out. John McCain continues his slide into political whoredom.

We spent two really fun evenings with dear friends this past week. I don’t pause and reflect often enough on how blessed Tom and I are to have such great friends. Our friend Mike could use prayers and healing thoughts also. He is having surgery on Friday. I have a very calm feeling about his outcome. I hope I’m right.

The girls from the old hood had lunch on Friday. It’s always fun to catch up. We continue to rally around our buddy who is in the process of saying goodbye to a 30 year marriage. What in the world can her husband have been thinking?

I’m once again in the throngs of a diet disaster. I just can’t shove food in my mouth fast enough. I’m thinking of asking Tom to break my jaw.

I need suggestions for Valentine gifts for the Big Irishman. All I’ve been able to come up with is the offer to cook dinner naked. Ha!

Last - I must tell you that I’m heart sick. Al Franken is leaving Air America. I guess he has decided to run for the senate. What radio station will keep me company while I drive around town running errands? 

C. U. Anonymous

Are you all ready to hear about another one of the AZW’s dirty little secrets? Well, here goes …… Every morning when I awaken I must look in the mirror and say, “My name is the AZW and I’m obsessed with containment units. This is all part of my 12 steps program. My next step is to confess and apologize to each of my family members. I must tell them how my obsession has negatively impacted our family and then beg for forgiveness. I’ll say to my children, “Please forgive me for all those Christmases when you had no gifts because I spent the Christmas money on containment units.” or “I’m so sorry I never helped you get ready for school or made your breakfast because I was too busy rearranging my containment units.” Tom will need to hear my apology for selling many of his possessions (cuff links, guns, watches, and etc.) to raise money for ever more containment units.

Big or small, plastic or cardboard - I just can’t seem to ever have a sufficient number of C.U.s. Sometimes I buy them and hide them. When I’m alone, I arrange and rearrange them over and over. Sometimes I arrange them by size and other times by color. The organizational possibilities are endless. I’ve even stolen C.U.s from friends. My world would be perfect if everything we owned was safely tucked away in an appropriate CU. Those little plastic boxes that are divided into sections actually give me chills. I purchased a set of nesting boxes (12 boxes that all fit inside each other) right before Christmas. While everyone else in my family was gathered around the tree opening gifts - I was upstairs alone nesting, re-nesting and nesting yet again. I have to get myself under control.

The people at Containment Units Anonymous have assured me that the first step to getting well is admitting that I have a problem. I HAVE A PROBLEM. There - I admitted it. Don’t worry about me too much. I’m finally getting the help that I need.

Another Option

The whole issue of stem cell research is very emotionally charged. I have spent many hours thinking deeply about all the ramifications of this concept. I also have done tons of research. Even after all this, I’m still a tiny bit conflicted. I just have a little niggling feeling at the very edge of my consciousness. I am one of the few pro-life liberals residing on this planet. But I am also a heart transplant recipient. I would have done almost anything to have avoided all those years that I felt my life slipping slowly away. Although I say “thank you” every day for my new heart, the transplant process was certainly “no day at the beach” for me or for those who love me. In the future, stem cells will almost without a doubt be used to repair damaged hearts. I hope you can all understand my inner conflict. As for using stem cells harvested from embryos, I think most of these embryos would end up being destroyed anyway. At least if these embryonic stem cells are utilized, in a sense, the embryo continues to live. Just as my donor continues to live within my body. I realize that many of my conservative friends would vehemently disagree with me.

Maybe with Congress’s Democratic majority, legislation will be created that will fund continued research. Hopefully, in the future, this will yield cures for spinal cord injuries, Alzheimer’s, brain injury, Parkinson’s, HIV/AIDS, cancer, and heart disease. Cures for these horrible conditions would profoundly affect millions of Americans.

 There is also another option - one that many see as being more acceptable than harvesting stem cells from embryos. In delivery rooms all over the country, couples are asked if they want to bank their baby’s cord blood. Cord blood contains stem cells. Many new parents, if given the choice, might opt to donate cord blood for the purpose of moral and ethical medical research.  Birthing facilities usually dispose of cord blood. Hopefully Congress will approve of this donation option. In this way cures for many degenerative diseases can be researched in a positive, manner. It would be another way of giving the gift of life.

Don’t Miss This

If any of my dear readers would like to take a peek into the past life of The Big Irishman, today is your lucky day. Tonight’s episode of Criminal Minds in Tom’s mom’s house. You will be able to view the scene of Tom’s boyhood crimes and indiscretions.  I kinda thought the producers would call and ask me to appear as a guest star. No such luck. They obviously don’t recognize talent when they see it. Anyway, pop yourself a big bowl of corn, settle back into your recliner and ENJOY THE SHOW. 

It’s All About Attitude

When I read the paper - I READ THE PAPER !  I read every word and carefully examine every picture. I even read the want adds and the list of phone numbers for the various newspaper departments. Some would say that I’m obsessive-compulsive, but I really think this odd compulsion stems from my lifelong fear of “missing something.”  This morning my habit of careful reading yielded something that almost wrecked my day. I found a tiny, and I mean tiny, notice of an upcoming meeting. Next Tuesday, at 11:30 a.m., The Ill Women’s Network will be meeting at a local cafe. New members will be welcomed.

I felt like I had been kicked. I found myself wishing that I could immediately call all the “new members” and beg them to reconsider their membership. With sadness, I realized that to some degree these women had probably given up. When you are very ill, and I know what I’m talking about, you have to fight everyday to perceive yourself as normal. It’s okay to admit that you are going through a rough patch, but to give in and start thinking of yourself as just an “ill woman” is tantamount to consciously placing one foot in the grave.

I can remember one Christmas when I really wanted to go Christmas shopping. I was much to weak to tackle the mall on foot, so Katie loaded me into a wheelchair and off we went. It was one of the worst two hours of my life. Every time I watched those wheels go round, I felt my life slipping away. Don’t misunderstand, I know that there are tons of people who must travel by wheelchair, but I also know that there are many who are content to ride just because it’s easier. Katie and I went back to the mall the following day, and I walked. I had to rest about every 30 yards, but we made it. We even were able to laugh about our slow progress. I had made the decision that even though being pushed around would have been a whole lot easier, it was important to me not to be a “sick lady in a wheelchair.”

I truly believe that the chronically ill can add days, weeks, months, even years to their lives by developing ATTITUDE. I would like to make a  suggestion to the members of The Ill Women’s Network - Rename your club. Call it The WWA Network - The Women With Attitude Network.