T’was The Season
AND A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL !!!! Now for some highlights…
First a diet update. Don’t ask. My jaws hurt from chewing, and when I get tired of chewing, I simply swallow whole all sorts of calorie-rich, fat-loaded bites. There is a choking risk involved in this food intake system, but what better way is there to pack as many food opportunities as possible into a single day. Look for my picture on the cover of the January issue of Weight Watcher’s Magazine. The caption reads, “The Mayo Clinic reports on a new record in ’single-day’ weight gain. Read all about how this otherwise stable lady managed to gain 27.6 pounds in a one-day period.” At last, I’m a star and getting the recognition I so richly deserve.
Our Christmas was wonderful. Meghann and Scott were here from Utah along with Nardo, the cussing parrot and Ellie, the world’s most persnickety cat. We also had special guests from Ojai, California - Carol and Mike. They are wonderful people and we all agreed it was great that Megs and Scott were able to celebrate their first married Christmas with both sets of parents. My kids gave me a TiVo system. Now I don’t have to go upstairs to watch all my favorite programs. I can now stay downstairs with Tom while he watches stupid, icky, violent, blood-drenched, psycho-sicko shows and at the same time TiVo my shows. My marriage has been saved! I will spend all my daytime hours watching my recorded faves. If I plan very carefully, I will only need to leave my recliner to refill my plate with heaping mounds of delicious delicacies. What a dream life. Now I can be by Tom’s side and hurl insults that make fun of all tight-ass conservatives while he watches FOX news.
Katie, Henry and the beautiful Diana arrived yesterday to help us bring in the New Year. We opened gifts last night. Meghann and Scott gave Katie a Karaoke machine. BIG MISTAKE. We all fell asleep last night to Katie belting out “My Girl.” She was still at it this morning. I was able to sell several pairs of my earplugs in the middle of the night. I made enough to pay off all my credit cards. It’s amazing how much money desperate, tired people are willing to spend just to make the pain go away.
I should also mention that my little boy is home from college and is still the apple of his mother’s eye - even when he saturates my new 2007 calendar with root beer and gets peanut brittle stuck in the carpet.
As D J Katie would say, “Catch you on the flip side.”
