Amazing Zippered Woman

Robert Frost I Ain’t

'Twas the week after turkey day, and all through the hood

Moms and Dads were so busy, hanging lights as they should.

The tree was chopped down and brought in through the door.

Decorations and "To Do" lists littered the floor.

Kids were trying so hard not to be bad.

Smiles shined on all faces. No one was sad.

Dad in his sweatpants, and I the "big meanie,"

Had just settled down to sip a martini.

When out in the front yard there was such a clanging.

We chugged down our drinks and ran to check on the banging.

On the way to the window, I stumbled and fell,

Which gave the Big Irishman reason to yell.

The glare of the street light fell on pebbles and sand.

As I opened the window and injured my hand.

What to our wondering eyes should appear,

But a limo and driver holding a beer.

I knew right away it must be some trick.

As Tom jumped in the limo and yelled to "Come Quick."

He whistled and shouted and called kids by name.

Slowly, but surely even dogs came.

Come Katie and Henry and Meghann and Scott.

On Patrick, on Esther - he called the whole lot.

The limo was filled with gifts shiny bright.

Meghann and Katie started to fight.

The driver was able to stop the small spat.

He smiled so sweet with his tummy so fat.

He threw it in gear and away we did soar.

With the children all screaming, "Give us some more."

I looked at Tom and he looked at me.

We then asked the driver to please set us free.

He stopped at a bar and we made our escape.

The kids  just kept tearing through ribbons and tape.

The evening was over before we could say,

"Our shopping's all done and HAVE A GOOD DAY." 

Noel

Diet Update: Although I’m loathe to tell you, I must report (accountability) that I’ve only lost 1/2 pound. I just can’t say “no.” Thank God I’m not battling drugs. There is some talk of attaching tethers to my ankles and flying me over the Fiesta Bowl so they can refurbish the GOODYEAR blimp.

Now I want to tell you about Noel. I walked into the grocery store on Friday behind a beautiful young woman being pushed in a wheel chair by another woman about my age. She was very pale and had an oxygen assist running into her nostrils. There was a little, blond cherub, probably about 4 years old holding her hand and walking beside the wheelchair. She called the young woman “mama” and very much wanted to ride on her lap. Finally, the older woman, who I assume was Grandma, said, “You can’t sit on Mama’s lap. You might squash the baby.” It was then that I noticed the gal was pregnant. I passed them several times as I made my way around the store. Each time we passed , I nodded and smiled and they smiled in return.

As I was nearing the checkout, the older woman approached me and asked for directions to the bathroom. As I was close by, I walked with them to show them the way. The bathroom is very tiny, so only the younger woman and the child went in. At this point Grandma started to tell me Noel’s story. A virus had severely damaged her heart during the early weeks of her pregnancy. She is now on the transplant list. She decided, against her doctor’s recommendation, not to terminate the pregnancy. In just a few weeks, the baby will be delivered prematurely, but with a good chance of survival. The only problem is if Noel becomes emergent, then the baby must be sacrificed. Not only does this beautiful young mother need to fight just to breathe, but she must live in fear that her failing heart will be the reason that this baby must die. I can’t imagine her agony! Please say a prayer for Noel and her baby.  

Behold - Two Beautiful Brennan Brides

Before I get started on today’s post, I must send out a huge “Thank You” to Jason. He works with Meghann at Western Wats. Jason is responsible for my wonderful new Blog skin. Don’t ask me how, but he managed to zip and unzip the zipper. I know the process involved making 5,000,000 copies of the zipper image. I am hereby crowning Jason the BLOG MASTER. Thanks again, Jason.

Erin Kathleen Brennan Johnson

Married - October 22, 2005

Meghann Marie Brennan Roberts

Married - June 10, 2006

Last weekend I was having a conversation with Meghann when she asked if I had any idea what happened to her wedding veil. When we hung up, I looked in the plastic bag that the laundry put her wedding gown in after they cleaned it. NO VEIL. I went through all the hangers in the guest room closet. NO VEIL. Finally, I looked in the dress bag that her wedding gown came home from the shop in. VOILA ! I very carefully lifted the piece of delicate lace out of the bag and promptly burst into tears. I spent most of the rest of the day trying to figure out why I had cried.

Maybe I could blame Prednisone. Maybe I cried simply because my daughters are so beautiful - inside and out. I bet I shed tears because I was so thankful that Tom and I were able to give our babies such magical days. I know I again remembered that my mom and dad weren’t there to see Meghann and Katie marry such wonderful men. That could be the reason for my tears. Possibly what happened is that I stopped to think about how close I came to not attending either wedding. Maybe it finally hit me that I’m done planning weddings. Every mother dreams of her daughters’ weddings. Maybe I just needed a good cry. 

Our Own Lady Di

I don’t know if I have ever discussed with you the wonderful bonus gift the Brennan family received when Katie married Henry - his sisters Sabrina and Diana. I will tell you more about Sabrina (we call her “Little Beans”) in another post. Today I want to focus on Diana. She is proof positive that the next generation will do a great job taking care of MOTHER EARTH.

Diana has become like a daughter to me. I was super impressed with this young lady from the very first time we met, and my respect and love for her have only grown. She is ultra-organized and has an incredible work ethic. We share a private joke. We both think that the first step to accomplishing a giant task is to designate and label  folders. She even created her own set of folders and “To Do” lists for Meghann and Katie’s weddings. I couldn’t have pulled off two weddings in 7 months without her. She recently managed the campaign of Sharon Beery who was running for Congress in California. Ms. Beery didn’t win, but her campaign was awesome and our Diana ran the whole show - pretty impressive credentials for one so young. I just know that the future holds great things for her.

I also want to say a few words about Diana’s  relationship skills. She is a terrific daughter and sister. If you are part of her world, she will do anything to assure your happiness and well-being. She will go to the ends of the earth to help you during hard times. Perhaps, most important of all, she really believes in “giving back.” She is always involved in some project to help others, not only in this country, but around the world. SHE CARES DEEPLY ABOUT OTHERS.

So, the next time you read an article or hear someone on T.V. talk about how bad the twenty-something generation is, please remember Diana and be assured that this old world will be just fine.

The Official Announcement

Before I begin, I have a few little Blog housekeeping items to take care of. (1) I am listening to my readers, and I understand that the new, red blog-skin is problematic for some. THIS WILL CHANGE. Sadly, I’m an idiot and don’t fully understand how to create and install a new skin. When Meghann is here over Christmas, we will design something that is more user-friendly. I don’t want anyone to ever think that their comments and suggestions aren’t important to me. (2) I want to remind everyone to periodically scroll back through past blogs - especially if you have commented. I was reviewing last night and discovered new comments that have been posted recently on past blogs.

I want you all to meet my new best friend. Her name is B.S. (Bathroom Scale) Now for my official announcement. DRUM ROLL - DRUM ROLL - DRUM ROLL. I, The Amazing Zippered Woman, have joined Weight Watchers Online. In the past I have had fairly good luck using Weight Watchers as a weight loss program, but a couple of its components have always bothered me. I hate driving to the weekly weigh-ins, and I absolutely loathe it when the leader calls out my name and how much weight I’ve lost during the past week. I start to get very nervous about two days before the big weigh-in, and what do I do when I’m nervous? You got it. I eat and eat and eat. It sorta defeats the whole purpose. The other thing that really bothers me is that the other ladies are very mean to me. They look at me funny and whisper about me. I think I figured out the reason. Most of the group is M.O. - morbidly obese. I consider myself N.Q.O.J.P.P. - not quite obese, just pleasantly plump. I think it might be a rule that all M.O.’s must be mean to and whisper about all N.Q.O.J.P.P.’s. So I had two choices. I could have either gained enough to be an M.O. and started going to meetings again. Or I could join the online program and not be the object of M.O. scorn.

So I joined. I’m just getting into it, but I have discovered that you don’t just type “Thin Now” and hit “enter.” Damn !! From what I know so far, the only thing that is missing from the online program is accountability. Guess what … all of you are going to provide the accountability I must have in order to succeed. Maybe if I have to tell everyone on the WWW when I stuff my face, I won’t be so inclined to be a piggy-piggy-womp-womp. This won’t be a hard job, Dear Reader’s. All you have to do is read a small update every so often. Also I have agreed to appear on Oprah in a bikini when I hit my goal.

I’ve Had Better Days

I awakened very early this morning - still exhilarated from the election and very enthused about my diet. I stretched like a cat laying in a sunbeam and hopped out of bed - directly into a pile of recently created dog throw-up. I mean it was still warm. Mary Lou has developed some tummy issues. It’s very hard to clean up puke chunks with one hand -while holding one’s nose with the other hand.

Downstairs I discovered that I was out of chocolate milk. I must take my pills with chocolate milk. I’ve convinced myself that my meds won’t upset my tummy if I down them with chocolate milk. I was just finishing a glass of o.j., when the phone rang. It was BLUE CROSS - our new insurance company. They just wanted to tell me that they won’t cover my Nystatin mouth rinse. Without this rinse, thrush will slowly take over my mouth and move down my throat. (an immune system issue.) She also said that they may not cover my Rapimune and Cellcept - both immuno-suppressants. She said they may decide to switch me to other drugs. What she doesn’t understand is that it’s taken 18 months to find drugs that work for me. If we need to pay for them out-of-pocket, it will be over $8,000 each month. FAT CHANCE !!

My diet went totally to hell after this call. I inhaled over 60,000 calories in less than an hour. To top it off, I broke one of my mom’s dishes - one I can remember her using when I was a little girl. Thanks for listening, Dear Readers

I GUESS TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.

The First Day of a New America

There will be no gloating. There will be no “I told you so.” There will be no “vicious vitriol” spewed. I have four non-confrontational comments to make and then I will move on to a new subject.

(1) A huge proportion of the American people have spoken. We are ready for a change.

(2) It is my sincere hope that the Bush administration hears our demand for change and acts accordingly. Accepting Donald’s resignation is a good first step.

(3) This election proves that we each have a voice. If a whole bunch of AZW-type individuals vote, we will be heard.

(4.) Now the real work begins. Democrats must act on all their campaign promises.

STARTING TOMORROW - WHAT WEIGHT WATCHERS REALLY MEANS.

Two weeks ago Perpetua casually mentioned to me that she would appreciate it if I would knock off a few (actually more than a few) pounds. She said she is really having a hard time hauling around all this extra blubber. I am the type of person who takes a long time to develop a game plan. I also have to hit “rock bottom” before I can begin to climb out of whatever hole I’ve fallen into. Every day, for the past two weeks I’ve awakened each morning and promised myself that “today is the day.” And then by bedtime, I’ve consumed over 73,000 calories. I’ve been feeling a combination of self-pity, self-loathing, depression and anger. I’m just plain pissed at myself. When I got Perpetua, I lost tons of weight. I can remember the tremendous feeling of confidence I experienced. My plan was to continue losing. For whatever reason I have not lost another pound - instead I’ve gained 16 pounds (4 pounds in the last 2 weeks) At this rate I’ll gain back all of the 34 pounds I lost by Christmas. You have no idea how hard it is for me to discuss this very private struggle. I better push the “POST” button before I change my mind. 

VOTE

Tomorrow is the big day. I’ve agonized all weekend about what I would say in today’s post. I’ve made some notes to help me organize my thoughts. Regardless of your political leanings, please take the time to vote tomorrow. Please base your vote on the knowledge you have acquired over time. Also vote in a way that soothes your heart and brings peace to your soul. All of us have different perspectives, and it is important to realize that our own unique experiences have greatly influenced our thoughts and feelings. This has been the ugliest, most negative campaign in years. Try to put all the vitriol aside and vote your conscience.

These are some of the thoughts I will take into the voting booth tomorrow. The uncontrolled growth of the insurgency and drastically increased sectarian violence - didn’t convince George. The thousands of lives and billions of dollars that this oil war has cost - didn’t convince George. It took the possibility that he could lose his rubber-stamp Congress to convince George to finally go before the American people and talk about changing the course in Irag.

The majority of the American people want an end to the disgraceful liars and total incompetence of the Bush administration.

Please remember that our gay brothers and sisters simply have a different way of loving.

Jesus instructs us to love our neighbors. Please remember that illegal immigrants are also the children of Jesus.

Esther’s Birthday Surprise

 Look at sweet baby Esther. I snapped this picture today during her afternoon nap. I had a terrible time talking her into “hitting the sack” in the middle of the day. She fought me every step of the way. I was insistent that she nap because tonight we are hosting a surprise, birthday slumber party to celebrate her 5th birthday on November 19th. I really shouldn’t say “WE” are hosting the party. I should say I am hosting the party - the Big Irishman is going to a hotel. There are 11 little puppy-people scheduled to arrive at 6:30 p.m. Mary Lou has taken Esther to Burger King for dinner. This will give me a chance to decorate and get the food ready. Things are much easier now that Mary Lou is driving. I really depend on her to help me haul Esther around to all of her activities.

Esther’s favorite colors are pink and brown, so I invited only brown dogs with pink noses. For decorations I selected brown and pink silk banners adorned with Swarovski  crystals. For dinner I’m serving raw liver which is both pink and brown if it is left out of the frig. overnight. Her cake is adorable. It is composed of 5 alternating layers of kibble and desert carrion. All of her gifts from us are wrapped in pink paper. We got her a laptop, among other things. Maybe now she will leave MY computer alone. We are going to play “Pin the tail on the Mongrel” and maybe we will bob for tennis shoes. I rented several movies for late tonight - Lassie Come Home  and Rin, Tin, Tin. If they settle down and are fairly quiet by midnight, they may be able to watch Garfield Does Dallas although it is rated “R.” Well,  I must go and answer the door. I hear the pitter patter of little paws. Esther’s first guests are arriving.

                             WISH ME LUCK !!! 

Could I Have Been Wrong?

I watched “Dateline” last night. Meridith Vieira interviewed Madonna. Before I discuss my thoughts on the interview, I want to share a story with you.

When Meghann was a sophomore in high school, she and her little group of friends fancied themselves to be true connoisseurs of popular music. Meghann begged us to let her purchase a Madonna tape. (You’ll notice that I said tape, not CD) I carefully explained to her that I was very opposed to Madonna’s morality or lack thereof. I really don’t think the Big Irishman had a big problem with Madonna, but he always backed me in front of the children. If he disagreed with one of my mandates, he shared his concerns in private so that we always presented a united front. I can honestly say that our kids rarely attempted to play us against each other. Anyway, I tried to explain that every time a Madonna tape was purchased, a percentage of the price went right into Madonna’s pocket. I adamantly forbade her to make this purchase. Then I went to Colorado for the weekend to attend a friend’s wedding.

You guessed it. During a trip to the mall with her friends, Meghann bought a Madonna tape and then somehow she got very confused. When I entered the house on Sunday afternoon, Madonna, the voice of all things evil, was blaring behind Meghann’s closed door. I think she was daring me to say something. I chose to remain silent. I simply opened her bedroom door, removed the Madonna tape from her tape player, grabbed some scissors from her desk, pulled the tape out of the plastic case, and cut in into about 50 one inch pieces. I did not say one word, until she asked if I was going to reimburse her for what she spent on the tape. I knew then that Meghann was destined for a career in sales. I laughed and walked out of the room. As I departed, I calmly stated that she needed to clear her social calendar for a period of one month during which time she would be composing a 10 page paper on the history of Rock- and-Roll … real Rock-and-Roll, not the sh– that Madonna produced.

Perhaps I over-reacted. I was very impressed last night. Either Madonna has “seen the light” or I have become less inclined to view everything as either Jet Black OR Pure White. Maybe Perpetua has helped me to see all the subtle shades of gray in this WORLD. What I saw and heard last night was a very poised woman who seems honestly committed to doing something meaningful and making a difference. Her adoption of baby David is just the beginning. She is financing and supervising the building of several more orphanages in Malawi. She has already opened three. David’s father, Yohane Banda, has confirmed that Madonna offered to help him financially so that David could be raised in his own village. Yohane declined and made the decision that Madonna should raise David as her own child. He felt that David would have a better life. She also expressed outrage that several people had questioned why she chose to adopt a “black” child. I believe that Madonna like myself, abhors all bigotry. I don’t have to like her music or the way she stages her shows (crucifix) but I admire her spirit and her determination to help others. I guess I was wrong.

P.S. When I mentioned to Meghann today that I had possibly been wrong about Madonna, she interrupted me to ask, “Does this mean that you’ll give me back the $11.00 I spent on that tape?”